I originally drafted this on August 25th, 2008. I forgot to post it, so I’m posting it now so it’s included in my journal which is what this blog really is. Something for me to look back on one day. Here’s the post:

Tomorrow is the first day of school for us. We are homeschoolers and I am anticipating all that we have planned the next few weeks. I also will be embarking on a new journey as a Catechist in our parishes RCIA. I do not feel prepared for this AT ALL. I still don’t “feel” Catholic if there is such a thing. I worry about how I can possibly catechize someone into the Faith when Easter was just a few months ago. THe good news is that I’m not alone, that I am only responsible for teaching a class every 5 weeks. I enjoy being in the RCIA program and so that part will be good, asking questions, learning still, etc. I just don’t like the leading part. But our priest asked me to do it, as well as our RCIA director. And I feel God nudging me that way. He hasn’t said no anyway.

The part I’m writing now is today, Sept 20th. By the way, I still haven’t sat in as the catechist yet. That will be on Oct. 11th. I’m nervous, especially after what happened at Mass a few Sundays ago. See next post on Modernism in the Church. But homeschooling is going well. Best year ever. Love our new support group. Have some wonderful new friends, and treasured friends from before my conversion, especially my best friend who I was the most worried about losing as a friend. But praise be to Our Lord, Jesus Christ! He is so good. She is still my best friend, and He has restored me. I feel He has blessed me beyond measure! For anyone out there who is wondering how things will work out, if you are the beginning of this journey into Catholicism, don’t give up! I was wondering how it would work out a year ago, would my kids meet other Catholic homeschoolers like them, I didn’t even know where we would find such a thing! My whole world was changing. I was overwhelmed about everything, including small things like which curriculum to use since I had so much to learn about Catholic history and faith issues myself. I was even wondering if perhaps God was leading me to stop homeschooling since it seemed like everything was pointing in that direction. I needed to find a Catholic homeschool group. I felt very isolated and like I didn’t fit in anywhere, not in my new parish where I was the outsider, nor in my former homeschool group because my choice to become Catholic might cause waves. I was scared of the future and lonely for friends who would understand my strange predicament. So anyway, I don’t remember if I posted the story here of how I met new Catholic homeschoolers, but in case I didn’t, here it is.

Last September was the beginning of the school year. Our former homeschool group which was a ministry of our former church a Calvary Chapel had died out. There were wonderful families and friends in that group, so many memories. I remembered our very first get together when my eldest son was just in kindergarten. We had a campout at the park and held hands in a big circle around the fire as we prayed and offered our children and ourselves to the Lord. It was a holy moment. I remember looking at those families through the campfire and thanking God for them, and imagining my children growing up with these children, homeschoolers who loved Jesus. But like I said, after our church split, the home school group died out. We all tried to get together for a “back to school park day’ one Friday last September 2007, two 1/2 years after our church had split now. But hardly anyone showed up. It was obvious to me that day and the others that did come that the group was over. I left that day teary eyed because I felt so alone as a homeschooler, but even more alone now as a Catholic homeschooler. In our parish I did not know any other families like ours, as far as I knew there weren’t any homeschoolers there. I wanted friends for my kiddos. I needed support. I needed a friend like me.

Anyway, I left the park that day with tears in my eyes, and I cried out to the Lord, “What is your plan for us, Lord? For me? For our children? Should we continue to homeschool or not? Lord, I feel so alone!” But as I got into my car and turned on the radio, this song was playing by the Kry. And I felt that familiar sweet Presence of the Holy Spirit in beautiful confirmation that I was not abandoned, that He cared for me, and He knew all of my thoughts and desires and worries. I felt assured that He did indeed have a plan. I had goosebumps all over me in the car and a feeling of peace. It was one of those moments I will remember forever, similar to the first day of my Catholic journey when He used music to lead me. Simply amazing how He reaches down at just the right moment.

Here are the lyrics.

“Take My Hand” from the Kry

I know there are times your dreams turn to dust.
You wonder as you cry
Why it has to hurt so much?
Give me all your sadness
Someday you will know the reason why
With a childlike heart
Simply put your hope in Me

Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
Don’t you say why were the old days better
just because you scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk.

Don’t live in the past
Yesterday is gone
Wishing memories would last
You’re afraid to carry on
You don’t know what’s coming
But you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
Take you through the night
If you keep your eyes on me

Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
Don’t you say why were the old days better
Just because you’re scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk where I lead
You will never be alone
Faith is the measure of what you’ve hoped for and the evidence of things unseen
so take my hand and walk

Just like a child holding daddy’s hand
Don’t let go of mine
You know you can’t stand on your own

Take my hand and walk
Where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
Don’t you say why were the old days better
Just because you’re scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk where i lead
You will never be alone
Faith is the measure of what you hope for
And the evidence of the unseen
Take my hand and walk

Two weeks after this, my son began his catechism class to become Catholic, RCIC it’s called. When I met his teacher we were discussing each other’s backgrounds and she was a convert too! She came from an Episcopal background and that wasn’t similar to me, but it was nice to meet another RCIA person. She then asked me my story. I shared with her that I homeschooled and had been frequenting homeschool message board where I began hearing about Catholic things, mostly the REal Presence, and when I told her I homeschooled, her eyes lit up! She said, “You homeschool! My best friend homeschools, oh I wish I homeschooled too!” And I said, “Is your best friend Catholic?” And she said, “Yes! We meet at a park around here with other homeschoolers for a weekly park day!” I about fell over. I couldn’t believe it! The Lord had sent me to this parish, this liberal parish and if he had not, I would have never met this teacher who introduced me to my new Catholic homeschool group and some wonderful new friends who have been mentoring me in the Catholic faith. People like me. Simply amazing.

So anyway, like I said, God has restored me. And again, if you are just embarking on this journey into the Cathoilc Church, don’t give up. Our Lord is so good, so merciful, so amazing.

Thanks Be to God!