This is a new experience for me, standing alone. Today I really feel the pain of choosing a different path than my best friend. We are close friends because of Jesus. And now to have Him lead us in different directions has made our relationship feel strained. Not in the way that we don’t love each other. But in the way that we think differently now about something that bonded us so deeply, so it is strained because there is so much I want to say, but I am always holding back. She is always sharing with me what her pastor is teaching about which is unity, interestingly enough. I have so much I would like to share with her in return on this very topic! But I don’t, because I don’t think she’s ready to hear it and I feel it would just put one more barrier between us. I don’t want her to feel judged.

Even our homeschooing choices are going in different directions. When our church split a year ago, our homeschool group was affected since it was run through the church. This next year my friend has decided to join an Evangelical homeschool ISP group to help her with paperwork, plus have social things for her children. I don’t feel led to join this group just yet. (Even if they would accept me now that I am Catholic which there is a very good chance they would not). I am feeling the Lord sending me in a different direction from EVERYTHING I have known. I don’t know of any Catholic homeschool groups in this area yet. I plan on looking…but even if I did, I am still mourning the loss of my friend. I know He is guiding my steps, but I don’t know where I will end up. It is hard to make this journey alone. I wish I had a friend IRL who was making this transition as well. One that has come from this very strange predicament as I…so that I don’t feel so crazy.

Yesterday in the mail I received my monthly newsletter from Focus on the Family. This issue was devoted to the horror of abortion. At the very end, an article was included written by Frank Pastore talking about Pope Benedict’s recent statement defending the decision of Mexican church leaders to deny communion to those politicians who voted to legalize abortion, rather than defending the unborn. I’ve copied it at the end.

When I read the Pope’s statement, it was said with such clarity and graciousness. Very telling to me what kind of a man he is, and what kind of leader he is for Christ’s Church. I am so thankful to have been led to the Catholic church. This is what I’ve been searching for. The House of God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth (2 Timothy 3:15). A solid rock foundation that doesn’t get tossed around with the changing winds of culture. We don’t have to wonder if abortion is right or wrong, the Church has it figured out already. I can now rest in that foundation knowing that 2000 years have been devoted to wrestling it out, as well as many other faith and moral issues, and that this Church and Pope is being guided by the Holy Spirit.

The beauty of this to me is that instead of me always trying to figure out the basics of my faith, and what does this passage of Scripture mean, etc. I can now move on to a deeper faith spent in more prayer and contemplation instead of so much study. I’m thankful for my years of Bible study, and I will continue to read my Bible and meditate on the Word and let Him speak to me through His Word. But I don’t feel burdened to rely on my own intellectual understanding (or lack thereof) of the Scriptures in order to be a Christian. It is like when Peter said in 2 Peter 3:15-16 ,

And consider the patience of our Lord as salvation, as our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, also wrote to you, speaking of these things, as he does in all his letters. In them there are some things hard to understand that the ignorant and unstable distort to their own destruction, just as they do the other scriptures.

I know that I am ignorant in Greek and Hebrew and many other things required to aid me in understanding the Sacred Scriptures, nor did I attend seminary school (and even if I did, it would be important which one because in the Protestant land, they are not in agreement). For that I/we need the Church’s Teaching when it comes to matters of morals and faith. The Church that is the foundation and pillar of Truth. The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church.

Is abortion murder or not? The Church is very clear on this. There is no grey area. Praise the Lord.

Here is the article. It is not up on FOF’s website yet so I can’t post a link.

 

Where Are the Protestant Benedicts?

by Frank Pastore

After hearing so many of our politicians try to deftly finesse and coyly nuance themselves into so many murky, equivocal shades of grey, wasn’t it great to hear a man of principle and conviction speak last week with clarity on a moral issue of great importance to so many people?

While aboard the papal plane in route to Brazil, Pope Benedict was asked about the Mexican bishops who were threatening to excommunicate the Catholic politicians who voted in favor of legalizing abortion in Mexico City.

Benedict said, “Yes, this excommunication was not an arbitrary one but is allowed by Canon Law which says that the killing of an innocent child is incompatible with receiving communion, which is receiving the body of Christ….They (Mexican church leaders) did nothing new, surprising or arbitrary. They simply announced publicly what is contained in the law of the church…Which expresses our appreciation for life and that human individuality, human personality is present from the first moment (of life).”

He said those who vote in favor of abortion have, “doubts about the value of life and the beauty of life and even a doubt about the future….Selfishness and fear are at the roof of (pro-abortion) legislation…We in the church have a great struggle to defend life…Life is a gift, not a threat.

Pope Benedict, God bless him, drew a line in the sand on abortion.

How refreshing to hear a Christian leader do so.

According to the Pope, Catholic politicians who vote in favor of abortion should not receive communion and they risk excommunication from the Church. According to Church law, anyone who knowingly commits or allows a grave sin, such as abortion inflicts “automatic excommunication” upon themselves.

I’d love to hear some Protestant Benedicts speak with such clarity.

But, where are the pulpits of men with conviction and principal eager to take politically incorrect stands?

Where are those men with chests who fear God more than men?

Where are those pastors who care more about their faithfulness to the biblical text than they do about filling their pews and their next building program?

Where are the denominations that still care about such things?

Who are the radio and television ministries who regularly address such things?

They are so rare.

Which is why I am so proud of Pope Benedict and the Catholic church, even though I’m not Catholic.

It seems I remembered reading in Scott Hahn’s book or another conversion book about a darkness of the soul period. I feel that way right now. DH and I have been having so many challenges lately it seems. I’m experiencing doubts again because of these struggles. Sometimes I wonder if we are having struggles because we are not in God’s will and that the RCC is a bad move. And then I wonder if we are experiencing more challenges BECAUSE it is the right move and we are under spiritual attack as we move closer to our reconciliation with RCC. Whatever the reason, it is a very dark mood these days in our home. I have cried myself to sleep the past three nights. DH has lost his JOY. Where is God’s Peace right now? My soul feels very dark. I feel as if I don’t know anything anymore. Who am I?

I keep remembering this verse:

 

Weeping may last for a night, but Joy cometh in the morning.

Joy should be around the corner. I need to hang on. Help me God, keep me close to You, Lord.

The following is an email I sent to the catholicspitfiregrill yesterday. I’m recording it here so I will not forget my present struggle, nor get prideful in the future when I get past this struggle, and to remind myself of WHOM I came to the Catholic Church for, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I’m also recording it here in case it helps someone else along the way who is experiencing this same struggle:

Okay….tell me again how as a Catholic I only have to agree to what the
Magisterium of the Church teaches, that the official Church Teaching is
what I look to regarding doctrine, that the Saints are who I look to as
an example of what the Catholic Church teaches on how to follow Christ,
and that I don’t have to agree or even like what my priest
says/does….that it doesn’t matter if my particular priest is vocal
about wishing the Church would allow married priests, women priests, gay
married priests, etc. Okay, he didn’t say he hopes for gay married
priests, but I was afraid to ask after everything else he said. He was very
vocal about the other two though. He also scoffed at some of the new
changes coming in regards to particular language of the Mass (something
about “dew” of the Spirit instead of “power” of the Spirit). He also
stated that we would find in the Catholic Church both liberal and
conservative branches and while he agreed more with the liberal side he
tried to keep things down the middle during Mass, etc.

He also mentioned knowing a man who was very involved in the Mormon
church who later in life read his way into the Catholic church but never
converted. So I asked him to elaborate on that for me more. Why would
someone knowing the Catholic Church was THE Church, NOT convert? (Cause
after I knew the Truth I felt compelled to. There was no other choice
for me, but I didn’t tell him that though). He said, it was okay, one
didn’t have to be Catholic. That he didn’t worry that God wouldn’t save
that Mormon, because He would save him. That it simply affected our
happiness here in this life by coming into communion with the Catholic
Church. And that in heaven there would be more happiness for us there
than if we had not come in here. And one of the sponsors gave an
example that St. Therese said about a thimble and a cup filled. They are
both filled as much as they can hold….that will be what it’s like in
heaven. The Catholic Church enables the cup rather than the thimble.
The Catholic Church gives us so much joy here. I’m sure I’m botching it
a bit. There was just so much said today, I’m trying to remember it
all. This on the heels of last week when my RCIA director didn’t know
about Hebrews and the “cloud of witness” being Biblical support for
communion of the saints. He basically said it was not, that the cloud
of witnesses was referring to “eyewitnesses” watching us here on earth.

I’m having trouble trying to describe what I’m wrestling with here

And while I like to think of God accepting everyone into heaven. It’s
just that this isn’t what I’ve been taught my whole life. Jesus is the
way, the only way, no one gets to the Father but through me. Does this
mean that Jesus died and one’s entrance to heaven is not dependent on
one’s belief in Him as the Way? If the Mormon comes in….and don’t get
me wrong….I want everyone to come in. I guess its dependent on what
we do with what knowledge we have? And so the Mormon not having the
complete Truth is not guilty? (I’m just using them as an example).
Sometimes….like today…..I think I’ve been brainwashed my whole life, and
now I’m seeing the light for the first time. Either that or I’m very
confused. I’m not sure which.

I’m experiencing those doubts again. The tapes of “Whore of Babylon”
and all those other anti-Catholic baggage tapes are playing in my head.
The conversion part is very difficult. Some days are easy, and some
days are plagued with doubt. Just yesterday I was sharing with a new spitfiregrill
member that I was afraid in the beginning that I was losing my salvation
but what JOY now. And mostly I am experiencing great JOY until those
doubts come creeping in again. But here I am today having those doubts
again!

I’m looking for some good tapes that would help me counter those
anti-Catholic tapes playing in my head. Specifically ones that would
counter Chuck Missler (if any of you are familiar with him. I think he
refers to Dave Hunt alot).

I have this feeling that I came from a VERY fundamentalist and narrow
minded background and God is trying to undo all of that now. Perhaps
that is why He has placed a liberal priest over me, to show me that it
is HIM I am to look to, not a man.”

I am still having a difficult time with why some Catholics seem to not know their Bibles. Today in RCIA, the instructor who is a sweet little man was trying to describe why the Church teaches “prayers to the saints”. He seemed to be having a hard time expressing himself, and so I commented that one of the verses that allowed me to even consider the Catholic Church’s teaching on the saints is Hebrews 12:1 where we see the “cloud of witnesses” ( which I always imagine them cheering us on). He asked me where that was in the Bible, that he had never heard that before and so I told him and read the verse for the class afterwards which he politely disagreed with me that the witnesses were only eyewitnesses around us today. NOT saints that have gone before us. I didn’t say anything further, but I knew that this was incorrect. So when I got home I pulled out my Bible and read the verse and the chapter before the verse and yes, this particular verse is talking about the SAINTS, not the witnesses around us now (although that could be applied there too, I have no problem with that). I also pulled out my Catholic and Christian by Allan Schreck and the author also uses this particular passage in Hebrews to help the reader understand the Church’s teaching on the “communion of the saints”. Sigh….why not my RCIA instructor, a man who has been a Catholic his whole life….why would he not know this?

It does bother me not a little that it seems that Evangelicals do know their Bibles better, SEEM to have more knowledge of Jesus from the Bible, talk about HIM more. (Notice I say seem, I am not implying that I can look into their hearts). Today, was the last class for the graduates of RCIA from this past year and so they shared a little about what the year has taught them. I eagerly listened to hear a story similar to mine, but all of them had come from a non religious background, so while not similar to mine, it was interesting to hear how God is drawing each of us individually to Him. But I never heard anyone mention Jesus. That just seems so odd to me. A few weeks ago, one of the graduates shared with me that they decided to become Catholic in order to lay a good foundation for their children. Her husband was the one that picked the Catholic church. To her it would have made no difference if it was Buddhism, or Islam, just that they were unified. That grieved me. Perhaps she has settled in her heart now that it is Jesus she is serving, but her speech didn’t reflect that after a year’s time, after being baptized, after her catechizing. Why is this?

Is it just that we are in different places in our spiritual journeys? Is this why?

Last Sunday was our first RCIA class at St. Joseph’s. DH and I and the children (except for baby who was in nursery) all sat together up in the front at the side of the sanctuary facing the altar. Before Mass began, I sat there looking at the beautiful stained glass windows, looking at the holy water font (wondering when I would start using it), and just reflecting on where I had been. I couldn’t believe dh was sitting here with me and my children! There was a time some years back when dh and I were first married that I would have thought all this fancy art and beautiful stained glass windows were so empty and unnecessary. I actually criticized dh for wanting to attend a church like this. When we first were married this is the kind of church he was drawn to. He had been raised Lutheran, not attending regularly or anything, but his experience. I had been raised in the midwest U.S. and attended mostly Baptist/Pentecostal type churches. Anyway, less was better to me. Anything more than that was idolatry and adding to what God asked of us. A tradition of men. So as I was thinking about this, my ds who is 8 says, “Mom, what is the mark around the head on some of the people in the stained glass windows?” I said I wasn’t sure, but maybe it represented a halo. And he said, “that’s why there isn’t one on Cain”. And I said, “Where do you see Cain?” And he pointed to one of the first pictures, and sure enough you see a picture of a man with a stone in his hand hitting the other man on the head, looks like right after the garden story. My ds was reading the Bibles stories in the stained glass window. Cain did not have a halo. But the others did. I thought that was so amazing! That my little darling son could see that! That is why there is stained glass windows…to tell the story of God’s love to man, the story of salvation to those that cannot read. It was such a beautiful moment. Again, I was so foolish and wrong to dismiss these beautiful works of art in His Church, works of art that were telling the Gospel!

Well, the Mass started and before the homily my children were dismissed to the children’s liturgy. And then after the homily, before the Eucharist, dh and I were dismissed for our first RCIA class. We stood facing the altar while the priest said some words over us .I wish I could remember what he said! I was sort of in shock at that time, like an out of body experience. I thought we would be slipping out the side door. I didn’t know we would be standing in front of the whole church! Anyway, once the priest finished talking (maybe he was blessing us at the time) then we walked down the center aisle as all the people stood singing to us with one hand outstretched towards us. It was like we were being received into Heaven by the saints. It was one of those moments I’ll never forget. As we left the sanctuary and exited to the hall, there seemed to be this flood of light gushing in. The RCIA director said, “looks like Someone is Here with us”. It looked just like heaven. It was so magical. DH said to me later he felt the same way! I don’t know if it will always be this way, but that day was very special.

Just wanted to record this before I forgot it. I’ll write more about that morning later. About the RCIA director and other leaders. I believe we’ve been blessed to have a good group. Dh and I both are going to learn very much here.

So we went camping after Mass this Sunday. We stayed two nights in San Clemente. Monday morning my dh says to me, “Would you like to go to the Mission near here?” I said, “Are you kidding?” So we went to visit San Juan Capistrano Mission and it was so beautiful…. and there just happened to be a school field trip that same day so my kids and I sat in on the guided tour. There was much to see and do there so we will go back another day but I especially liked visiting the Chapel. Although the tour guide obviously doesn’t understand the Catholic faith the way I understand it. She told the school children that the picture on the back wall was of St. Peter….and that Saints are very honorable people and that is why we worship them. ACKKK! No wonder so many people think Catholics worship Mary and the Saints. Because Catholics tell them that. Ay-yai-yai….

Anyway, we then went to the nearest gift shop and purchased some trinkets for the kids. They picked out mood rings and I bought a story book “The Song of the Swallows” which tells the story of the swallows that return to the Mission every spring, on St. Joseph’s Day. I had read that story before, but now reading it with a Catholic perspective it was so much more meaningful.

Later that evening, dh and I were discussing our RCIA classes that would be starting up, and just reflecting on whether we had made the right choice or not. I know I have, but dh has to work through some questions of his own. Anyway, whenever he starts showing concern, I get doubtful as well. So I was praying, “Please Lord, I know I’ve asked you so many times for signs that this path is truly where You are leading me, but could you confirm it once again”…

About an hour later, when it was dark and the campfire was nearly out, my middle daughter realized she had lost her mood ring. She was getting hysterical and crying and truly upset because it was the ring we bought for her after the Mission, one just like her brothers. I told her if we didn’t find it we could get another one the next day. We looked for about an hour, even searched the trash cans. Well, she was saying it had to be the SAME ring…just like she couldn’t just get a new mommy, it would have to be me….the same ring…. it had to be that same ring. So I was rocking her and holding her and she was crying and crying. And I remembered that my sister used to ask a certain saint (which one I couldn’t remember) to help her find things when she lost them. And I thought it was silly at the time. But I don’t think so anymore, although it is tremendously hard for me still to practice this communion with the saints or Mary. But anyway, I prayed “God, I’m gonna take a leap of faith here….another chance for You to confirm this Catholic faith for me….I’m going to ask the Saints, I don’t know which one, but You do….please help me find my daughter’s ring!” And right after that, I saw a trash can that we hadn’t searched, a small one that I thought we had already emptied. DH dug in there, there was only one napkin in there with a paper plate. He unwrapped the napkin and there was the ring!

Just a little sign along the way for me, a child of “little faith” as I try to cross over the Tiber.

He is so good.

Boy-oh-boy am I reading a good book right now! “Theology for Beginners” by F.J. Sheed. It’s very deep and I have to read it s-l-o-w-l-y and really think about what the author is saying, try to let it sink in. And so I prayed for help in understanding this particular book that I’m in the middle of…at the author’s suggestion. Like I said, there are some deep theological questions in here that I have thought of over the course of my life from time to time, like for a split second and then the thought is too hard to think of any further. You know the kind, like how we are created out of nothing by God. And then my mind starts thinking about how God came into existence, and the idea of how He always was in existence. And then I sort of freak myself out with those thoughts and push them away for another day.

Also, I prayed for confirmation that I’m in God’s will in moving to the Catholic Church, that I haven’t gone off on some rabbit trail in search of something more intellectually stimulating for its own sake, that this is important my search for Truth. I prayed and then I picked up my book to read.

I’m reading along and I get to the last part of Chapter 8, on page 64 when Mr. Sheeds words just jumped out at me:

“Our Maker has told us what he made us for–to come to the fullest development of our own powers in total union with him.

Let us first take a look at this. Man’s highest powers are intellect, by which he knows, and will, by which he loves (and according to his love, chooses). The object of the intellect is truth, of the will, goodness. Our intellect is to come to the fullest knowledge of the supreme truth–which is God. Our will is to come to the fullest love of the supreme goodness which is God.

In knowing and loving God we shall achieve the purpose for which God made us. “

Wow….this hit me like a ton of bricks. Goosebumps all over!!! I have such a strong need to know the Truth because God made me to want to know the TRUTH! It’s not my own intellect I am following after or ego that is driving me. He made me this way. How liberating this idea is. He made me to want to know Him and love Him and in the Knowing and Loving Him, I am achieving the purpose for which He made me.

That is why I feel so fulfilled in this quest for the Truth. He made me to WANT to know Him FULLY!

Thank you Lord.

Since Easter it seems I’ve hit sort of a pleasant plugging along stage…..no great doubts these past few days. Infact I am feeling quite joyful! I don’t tease myself for I’m sure there’ll be more days of doubting ahead. But it seems that I’ve entered a new stage. Now that I’ve decided both intellectually AND with my heart that the Roman Catholic Church is the Church that Jesus founded on Peter…..passed down to our present generation, the Church that He has been wooing me to these past few months well….now that I have decided to reconcile to Rome…to come home to the fullness of my faith….what does this mean in a practical way? In other words, now what?

Well, I think it means I need to get about the Lord’s work. I need to start practicing this faith out. I need to start being a Catholic Christian. I need to pray and discern his will for me….I’ve been so busy studying about the Catholic Church and early church history, and boy has it been exciting! But I’m beginning to feel a little guilty. All this reading about doing good works, how we should be offering up our sufferings and so on. All the time I’m thinking “Yes, AMEN!”" Preach it brother!” Well, I’m not doing anything but reading books. I’m still sitting here in my cozy house, in my cozy Christian bubble, homeschooling my kids in my cozy neighborhood, sleeping in my cozy bed. I’m ready to start practicing what I’m learning. I’m ready to start living out my faith. But I’m not sure how to get started. I mean, I know I’m the same Christian I was before my conversion and I can be doing those same things I did before to serve Jesus. I still read my Bible. I still pray. I still serve my children and dh and my neighbors (or try to). I’m attending Mass. It’s hard to explain. But I’m ready to dig deeper, do more….yet I still don’t feel equipped. I feel like such a babe in Christ.

I think my next steps will come as I begin my RCIA classes. I’m starting to see the wisdom of having to participate in this program for a year’s time. When I first “saw the light” so to speak of the RCC, I just wanted IN! Let me IN! I want to partake of the Eucharist NOW. I can’t wait any longer. I want to come HOME. What do you mean I have to take classes?!? I’ve been a believer my ENTIRE LIFE. You don’t understand! I’ve studied the Bible forever. I’m ready. Really I’m ready! Please, don’t make me wait! That can’t be right. A year? And one of the parishes actually told me it could take 2 years! 2 years?! That’s absurd!

But now I realize how much needs to be purged in myself. I have many cracks in this clay that need to be chipped away (pride, legalism, selfishness to name a few). I’m thinking….or hoping…..that once I begin my RCIA classes, as I study out the practical applications of being Catholic, the Lord will be able to show me little by little what needs to change. How to change. What my next steps will be. He has got much work to do in me…I have much work to do. I’m so excited!  But I can see why this process needs several months, even years to take root in a permanent way.   So that God can mold me, purge me, change me……

My first RCIA inquiry class is next Thursday and dh is coming too! Since Easter he has been expressing a change of heart. He actually had to verbalize our change with a stranger yesterday (at the kids Tae-Kwon-Do class). Another parent peeking in at the class asked dh why the kids were facing the wall as they waited for class to begin. He explained they do this to get focused on their work, their kicks or punches or whatever. They weren’t meditating on some false God. Atleast not our boy. The lady said she was a Christian, and dh explained he was too. She asked him where we went to church. And he said “Funny you should ask. We used to go to —–, but now we go to St. Joseph’s.” She said “OH! So you’re Catholic!” He said, “Y-e-a-h….I guess so. My wife has been doing some reading and, well, we have decided we want to be Catholic now”. She paused and then changed the subject to “Where do the kids go to school?” He answered, “We homeschool!” Another “OHHHH!” No wonder you’re here! Your kids need the socialization!”

Now you’d have to understand the history. DH was opposed to homeschooling 4 years ago when we first decided. And the Lord changed his heart as kindergarten approached. Since then, he’s become a huge supporter of hs. And initially he was hoping this fancy of mine for the RCC would turn out to be just that, a passing fancy. But just as my passion for homeschooling didn’t pass, this hasn’t either. So for him to be asked both life changing questions at the same time yesterday was funny to me and to him. And how ’bout that? He answered, “Yes, I guess so, we want to be Catholic!” God bless him for that. He has come a long way in these past few months. It can only be God. Because no way in a million years if you would have told either of us even just 6 months ago that we would be studying the Catholic faith together, changing churches again and to RCC at that…would we have believed it. It can only be God.

We celebrated Easter today at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church. We all went, dh and the 3 kiddos. There was no crying room at this parish, nor childcare for my toddler. That made things a little distracting. But I loved the parish. Someone told me that I would “know” when it was the right one. And today, it felt right. I loved the homily, the children’s choir, the priest went around shaking “holy water” on us. I got a big splash…and LOVED it. It made me laugh, but not in a silly way, but a joyful way. I loved the stained glass windows, the intimate feel in the chapel. The priest sang the scripture and so did we. It was beautiful.

However, it was dh’s first time attending Mass with me. I’ve only been 3 times now, but I have read so much about it, it doesn’t seem as foreign to me anymore. I forgot that it would be completely different for him. I know he is doing this for me. I’m not sure if that’s a good reason or not. Anyway, I don’t think he loved it.

Sometimes I wonder if I am overstepping my boundaries, if I’m not being a “good, submissive wife”. Am I taking too much of a leadership role? He is such a wonderful husband, always seeking to keep peace in our family. When we first started homeschooling, it was because I constantly talked about it with him. He says I always get my way. And he says that with a laugh, but in a sense he is right. I like to think that God changes his heart. But is it God or is it me begging him to death until he finally gives in to keep me quiet.

Like right now…..all he hears me talking about is Catholic things. I’m practically begging him to”Please let’s start the classes! I have to go to a RCC!” Did he just give in and agree to got to Mass to keep the peace?

We aren’t the kind of family that could go to two different churches. We don’t have that kind of time for one thing. He has too many work hours and too strange of a schedule. Also, we both do not want to confuse the kids. So it will have to be one or the other. Of course if I continued to attend our Brethren church for him, I would be doing it for him….so either way one of us will be making a sacrifice. DH is not an overbearing domineering gotta have it my way kind of husband. I am so blessed. I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries. I don’t want dh to just be coming for me though…. and that’s the kind of guy he is. He will be doing it for me. But I want him to come for Jesus and for his own relationship…and of course the children. And also for me.

He listened to a Catholic Apologist John Martignoni “One Church” with me a few nights ago. He seemed to really understand it. That’s when he agreed to go to Mass with me. But after Mass he seemed distant, and when I asked him what he thought, he told me that of course it’s hard changing. He was happy at our Brethren church.

What’s bothering him is not the difference in the two churches Teaching, Protestant vs. Catholic but rather it’s the getting used to a new place again, meeting new people and all of that. He’s ready to stay planted, not keep moving around (we’ve moved churches 3 times this past year since CC split). Crossing the Tiber isn’t the problem, it’s that he’s ready to grow “roots” in a church with our family. Make relationships for us and our children, get involved in serving. We were just starting to get acclimated to our Brethren church when God showed me the Truth. I told dh atleast God showed me NOW and not two years from now. 6 months at Brethren isn’t that long. I don’t know one person beside the pastor and a few people in the nursery whose names I keep forgetting. And dh doesn’t either.

Also, dh is blessed that he doesn’t have layers of Protestant theology to work through like me. To him the RCC is just a different worship style, and yes it makes sense to him that there is only One Church (like the CD).

But change is hard.

And I don’t understand how God would show me all of this, leading me here if it was only to have me NOT convert. That wouldn’t make sense. And I feel responsible to raise up my children with a correct understanding of Sacred Scripture and Tradition. I want them to learn all about the Catholic faith WITH me while they are still young. I want to enjoy all of this with DH. I can’t imagine him not coming with me. And I’m not sure what my response could be to the Truth other than moving forward. I need to keep praying.

The kids don’t love it either. They miss the social part of the other church. DD especially.

Sigh…..I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything just right for my family. Time…it will take time.

On a funny note, both dh and ds were listening to the homily because Father said something about Jesus dying on a tree for our sins. I was outside with dd at the time who was very loud. Anyway, they both questioned this….ds and dh because usually we say and read Jesus died on the Cross. So they were asking me why Father phrased it that way. So I looked it up in the Bible, and found it in 1 Peter 2:24. And that is exactly what St. Peter says,

“who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness–by whose stripes you were healed.”

Of course it was a tree, the wood came from a tree. Anyway, dh said, atleast you’ve got thinkers in this family. And they were paying attention! And I thought to myself, Father was just reading straight out of the Bible. I don’t have the homily in front of me anymore, but I bet the reading was from 1 Peter 2:24 today. Isn’t that funny….those Catholics are always changing or adding to Scripture. Tree for Cross, can you imagine. LOL

Update: I decided to look up the homily for myself and the reading was actually from the book of Acts 10:39:

“And we are witnesses of all things which He did both in the land of the Jews and in Jerusalem, whom they killed by hanging on a tree.”